Diaries

Diaries main page will feature the first quarter of the current month's diary entires. Previous months are stored in the archive section, so for the full tedious and subnormal/paranormal history of the charcters and circle, then the archive would be a good place to start. If you couldn't care less, then read on, but don't complain when you don't know what the hell is happening...

June - First Quarter

Fenwick’s Diary

That louse Devon Brawn has filed a counter suit against me! I am suing the smug bearded fool for rupturing my bouffant at my very successful book signing a while back. He now has the nerve to try and sue ME for damages to his stupid hat! It’s not even as though it was an expensive hat either. He has neither the money or taste for things, unlike myself. Well, with the aid of my natural psychic gifts and a high price lawyer, I shall look forward to crushing him in court.

Speaking of taste, Psychic Hour want me to do a segment for their show on haunted pubs! I have informed my agent to make sure it doesn’t clash with the next filming session for Screamingly Haunted and to make sure my drinks tab will be fully comped. Last time I did such a segment, they tried to fob me off with an inexpensive Hallmark thank-you card! Disgusting the way some shows think they can treat gifted talent such as myself. Must remember to get a tape of the segment to take to the next meeting – they are always so pleased when I turn up with my exploits, it must be wonderful for them having a famous and gifted medium be part of their little circle.

PM
Must make sure Simon has pulled all my interviews from my tape archives to take round to Lysander’s house. I thought he was always jealous of my talent but it seems even he has been hiding a secret admiration for me all this time! At least that is what his note said. I am very flattered and he has requested that I bring my gold leafed tarot deck as he could really do with a few pointers. Well, how things change! Such a humbling admission of my superior psychic gifts cannot be ignored. I must remember to print an invoice for him...I usually charge for tarot but will give him a 1% discount.

Freddy’s Diary

Got a text from Fenwick this morning while I was in the middle of steam cleaning my ceiling. Some rubbish about doing Psychic Hour. That’s that show ruined for me. I’ll be watching a compilation of the best of ‘Friends and Enemies’ anyway, so luckily I can avoid his tangoed visage. It is strange now that Jay has returned home - despite him constantly putting his feet up on the coffee table and leaving his clumpy boots unevenly in the porch, I had got used to having him around. He thinks though, due to Lysander’s imminent return, it would be safer for me if he were elsewhere. When Lysander finds out what he has done to get him back for having his house painted pink last week, there will be trouble. Lysander completely deserves it though, hope he fucking suffers. I am still trying to chose a new carpet for my hallway that matches my rose pattern wallpaper, all thanks to him. The arrest was nothing in comparison to that horror.

PM
Just put my feet up to watch my afternoon soaps when the delivery man turned up with a thank you parcel from Jay for letting him hideout here during the war with Lysander…A limited edition Pocket Dragon! I was so touched. Maybe Marnie was right and the crystals I sewed into the sofa have somehow affected his bad attitude? He also texted to say Lysander is due home soon. Am starting to worry, as an ally of Jay’s, Lysander may target me…what if he smears mud on my front door, I won’t be able to leave the house?

Jay’s Diary

Good to be home. If I am honest though, I kind of miss being woken up at five past six every morning by Freddy hovering the carpet in his pyjamas and pulling the cushions out from under my head to hoover them off. Got a text from Simon, Fenwick’s put upon chauffer to tip me off about him being sued by Devon Brawn. It put me in a great mood – the court case should be interesting, especially if Fen goes into ‘possession mode’ as he tends to under pressure. It will be one more torturous pile of dribble to have to listen to at the meetings, but at least it will be a break from him banging on about his so called celebrity’ and how he claims to have channelled Princess fucking Diana on one of those repulsive psychic shows.

PM
Lysander should be getting back today. I must remember to double check all my doors and windows – I don’t fancy getting stabbed to death with the blunt end of a designer shoe while I sleep.

PM – Later
Got several texts from Lysander, as follows:

4:01 - You cunt, absolute bastard, if you think I’m taking this you’ve got another thing coming. You can come and scrub it off.

4:33 - If you think I’m letting him in my house you’ve got another thing coming. Nice try.

4:40 - What are those tapes?

4:51 - I feel sick

6:00 - Help

6:27 - Please no…I never did anything this bad to you

7:43 - You are so fucking evil, Jay, I’ve locked myself in my own bathroom

8:15 - He actually paused it to wait for me. Half an hour I hid in there!

8:40 - It’s been four hours. I give in. Truce. For now.

Went to bed with a smile on my face for the first time this millennium. Simon dropped off Lysander’s War Scrapbook which he found in his driveway after Lysander had taken the walk of death to his living room. It looked as if it had been chewed in despair. The start of a good month all in all.

Lysander’s Diary

Hate visiting the parents. I swear I’ve put on weight, my Ben Sherman shirt is unusually tight – I blame all the cakes and home cooking, too many carbs are murder on my waistline. Anyway, I wonder if Jay is ready to call a truce yet? Hopefully he has been festering in his now pink house, thinking up an apology. I pasted the photos carefully into my War Scrapbook. He isn’t the only vindictive one, I know I accidentally got Freddy arrested, but the little worm deserved it. That’s what he gets for choosing the wrong side. If Jay hadn’t erased my John Barrowman collection from my Sky Box, none of this would have happened. My stars in the local paper said it would be an interesting day – not sure how to take that so have decided it means ‘good’.

PM
Am going to die. The taxi pulled away half an hour ago and I’m still in the drive staring at my house. I can’t…Jay is the most evil, twisted, sick individual on the face of the earth. Someone has stencilled Fenwick’s beaming perma-tanned face over the front of my darling house! How did they even find the right shade of orange?? It is sickening, beyond sickening…There’s a car pulling up…

PM later
Am planning to look up serial killers in the Yellow Pages and set one on that twisted, deviant prick, Jay. Fenwick swept up my drive in his poncey Merc and announced his arrival by bibbing his horn and nearly giving me a heart attack. As if his mug on the front of my formerly gorgeous house wasn’t bad enough, the real thing was worse. When Fenwick announced he was staying for the evening and had his chauffer unpack a box of tapes from his boot, I nearly cut my wrists with my War Scrapbook.

He showed me a letter inviting him over for a ‘fun evening' watching his greatest interview highlights including readings form his bestselling book – ‘Travels with My Spirit Guide.’ I was so stunned, that I barely felt the chauffer lift my keys from my hand and let Fenwick into my house. He stood on the doorstep droning on about how he always knew what a fan I was and seeing his portrait on my house, although a little working class as gestures go, was touching. Felt physically sick. I melted into a heap inside at the letter supposedly from me saying how I had always secretly admired him and all my bitchy remarks were just jealousy as I know what a gifted medium he is and how I admire his sexy possession voice. I scrumpled the note and screamed but he was already making himself comfortable on my sofa and bitching about the fabric. I swear there was a smirk on his chauffeur’s face as I clung to him and cried, but it soon turned to pity, especially when Fenwick began loudly commenting on my lilac wallpaper and velour sofa-throw. Eventually Simon prised me off and led me inside.

There were flowers on the table and a note for Fenwick with my signature. My head was spinning….How? Who? Of course I know who. I balled my hands so hard I cut my palms. Fen had started the first tape rolling and there was a bottle of wine on the table along with a copy of Fen’s latest literary drivel which someone (Jay, curse his name so much I could scream) had thoughtfully marked in certain places for Fenwick to read out. Only a sick, twisted mind would have such a gift for torture like this. I spent the first excruciating hour trying to think of ways to get him back but my energies and will to live were being drained by Fenwick, both in person and on the television. I wonder if I can inhale my Camomile tea and drown myself?

June 2nd Quarter    June 3rd Quarter    June 4th Quarter